DONE!!

artist statement

For this project I want to revisit a project I had already worked on during my foundation year, The project was originally based around the idea of me telling people about my illness, which at the time had massively affected my time on the course due to missing the majority of the first half of the year to recovering from cancer then spending the rest of the year recovering from anxiety and depression that hit me as a result of being physically ill. This project suddenly got rather huge and I realised there was so much more to what I could explore in the project but time restraints meant I was only able to explore a relatively small proportion of the issue. I have since felt that the project has been left relatively unfinished, so in my exhibition module I have decided to revisit this project with some distance from the illness and with some more intentions throughout the project so wouldn't be as overwhelmed by the whole subject area.

Within the foundation project I quickly realised this type of work seemed rather effective using film and I wanted to continue to use video and film to get across the message, feelings and emotions. I was aware that this project was very much able to turn cheesy very quickly so I needed to be aware of that throughout the project.

I also found within my foundation project that the environment you show the video piece in is equally important so should be thought about also, I looked at artist such as Loure Prouvost who installs her video work into an environment she makes within the gallery which is very effective at becoming overwhelming.

I rethought about my experience at the turner prize and how the work of Tris Vonna Michel was very effective as his voice was very effective at keeping attention but in some ways you had no idea what he was saying but you still paid attention.

I looked at the documentaries by Adam Curtis which made me think I wanted to take this down a factual line and make it matter of fact.

While working on the 2 pieces of work I have been learning that the difference between anxiety the illness and anxiety the emotion is very confusing. Through interviewing people I found that there was no lines keeping them separate and they very much interlink. I think the 2 pieces show this as the video piece looks at the emotion of anxiety from the point of view of those who don’t necessarily have the mental illness but then the audio is very much looking at the irrational thinking of the illness.

film.

i am happy with how the film turned out. it has taken a lot of changing but i think it is effective now. i like the way the video is very disjointed and jumpy. i like the different stories and the how the tone changes with the different people. i like the matter of fact way it has been presented because i think anxiety could very easily become a cheesy subject to discuss.

this is the size in the space, i think its a nice size and theres a really nice quality on the cloth that i have use to black out the room

this is what you see what you walk into the space. i think its effective how you get the light from the door to show you where the chair is but the wall for the audio piece part blocks the light so the projection is even clearer.

final film

final audio

audio.

i took the decision to have 2 elements to my final piece. i have decided that i would use an audio piece that is very personal. it is ver chaotic and confusing yet at the same time very monotone and boring. i really like it because people have to really concentrate to get the information and it feels very hard work to understand, much like actually having a panic attack.

this is where you sit to listen to the audio piece, i like how you sit there and listen to the audio looking at the blank wall. it make it unavoidable

experiment with projection

i experimented with different sizes to project at. i experimented with projecting it on a large scale and also at a smaller size at about a4. i prefered the smaller scale as i felt it was a much more manageable and it just didnt work at a large scale. 

interviewing peoples

i decided i would interview people to get their opinions on anxiety as i felt that i wanted to know how other people felt to see if it would make my piece more universal for other people to empathise with. 

visual research/film footage

These are bit of film footage. after watching films i knew what sort of camera shots i liked but no idea what shots i needed so i went out and i found footage. some isnt very effective but some was really interesting.

this is a really interesting angle to view this house as you are looking up to it and make it seem intimidating and distant

this clip was very effective and i felt it was a good shot to use with and interview or a clip of somebody talking as the colour and the shadow are really interesting.

this worked well as a way of framing the image behind the brick

writing things...

I visited the turner prize nominations earlier this year and i saw the work by Tris Vonna Michel. I remembered the layout of how he used a slideshow and a narrative together, what particularly stayed with me was the fact the photos didn't particularly relate to what was being said. i couldn't find this film online but i was able to find him talking about making it for the turner prize.

my experiment

for this piece i started by writing out a text which i used a automated voice to read out.

When I’m anxious everything becomes blurry. Your whole head becomes fuzzy and everything hurts. My head hurts, my legs hurt, my chest hurts. My hands can’t keep still. Nothing feels real. My thumb start to scratch at my other hand and keeps going and repeating. The repetition keeps me focused. The constant pain that grows keeps my head together. As I scratch through my hand and my head is still here but sometimes somebody notices and I cant. Sometimes when I'm anxious I want to go and to just get away. I don’t want to be me. I don’t want to be here, where I am. If I'm here people look at me. They question me, my actions, my appearance, my voice, my work, how I’m sitting, how I stand, how my hair is. Every little detail. If I sit in a certain way it can help because I don’t look as stupid, as fat, as ugly. But then I notice I still look the same. Whatever I do I can’t change that. People notice me and I can’t sit still, they’re thinking to themselves “what’s wrong with her? Such a weirdo.” When the pain kicks in I am willing them to help me.  I feel like I am going to die. Then I realise this is all in my head. They can’t see my world is collapsing, that I'm terrified of what is happening to me. I'm trying to hide what is happening but willing just somebody to realise. I want them to take me out and get away. If I go on my own everyone will judge they will wonder what the hell that is for. There’s nothing to be scared of. When I get outside I look at the sky and its peaceful. I curl up on the floor and I sit and watch the

i recorded this spoken in the computer voice and i liked how impersonal yet personal it was. i liked how its an emotive piece of writing but the computer generated voice leaves it more general to apply to more people. i used 2 different voices partly because i wanted the Stephan Hawking voice reading it but also so i could compare the different voices. i tried a female voice but it was much less effective. 

after this experiment i looked at developing the voices and by developing the texting and cutting it up and taking it completely out of context.

When I’m anxious everything becomes blurry. Your whole head becomes fuzzy and everything hurts. And  becomes fuzzy and everything hurts.  And  becomes fuzzy and everything hurts.    My head hurts, my legs hurt, my chest hurts.   and everything hurts.    My My hands can’t keep still. Nothing feels real. My thumb start to scratch at my other hand and keeps going and repeating. The repetition keeps me focused. Keeps me focused. The constant pain that grows keeps my head together.       As I scratch through my hand and my head is still here but sometimes somebody notices and I cant. I cant. I cant. When I’m anxious everything becomes blurry. And becomes fuzzy and everything hurts.  I cant. I cant. I cant. Nothing feels real.

Sometimes when I'm anxious I want to go and to just get away. to just get away. to just get away.   I don’t want to be me I don’t want to be me.  I don’t want to be here, where I am. I don’t want to be here,  I don’t want to be here,     If I'm here people look at me. They question me, my actions, my appearance, my actions, my voice, my work, my appearance, my actions, how I’m sitting, how I stand, how my hair is. Every little detail.  I want to go and to just just just get away. to just get away. to just just get away.

If I sit in a certain way it can help because I don’t look as stupid as fat as ugly as stupid as ugly But then I notice I still look the same Whatever I do I can’t change that People notice me and I can’t sit still they’re thinking to themselves “what’s wrong with her? Such a weirdo.” When the pain kicks in I am willing them to help me I feel like I am going to die.         

I feel like I am going to die.        

Then I realise this is all in my head.      They can’t see my world is collapsing, that I'm terrified of what is happening to me. I'm trying to hide what is happening but willing just somebody to realise.  I'm trying to hide what is happening but willing just somebody to realise.   I'm trying to hide what is happening but willing just somebody to realise. I'm trying to hide what is happening but willing just somebody to realise. I want them to take me out and get me away. and get me away. and get me away. Then I realise this is all in my head.  They can’t see.    this is all in my head.

If I sit in a certain way it can help because I don’t look as stupid as fat as ugly as stupid as ugly But then I notice I still look the same Whatever I do I can’t change that People notice me and I can’t sit still they’re thinking to themselves “what’s wrong with her? Such a weirdo.” When the pain kicks in I am willing them to help me I feel like I am going to die.        

When I’m anxious everything becomes blurry. Your whole head becomes fuzzy and everything hurts. And  becomes fuzzy and everything hurts.  And  becomes fuzzy and everything hurts.    My head hurts, my legs hurt, my chest hurts.   and everything hurts.   

If I go on my own everyone will judge they will wonder what the hell that is for. There’s nothing to be scared of. When I’m anxious everything becomes blurry.

When I get outside I look at the sky and its peaceful. When I’m anxious everything becomes blurry. I curl up on the floor and I sit and watch the clouds. If I go on my own everyone will judge they will wonder what the hell that is for. If I start to loose my breathing its hard. I’m panicking, I can’t breathe. I can’t catch my breath I’m panicking, I can’t breathe and I can’t calm down. Its so hectic but my head becomes clear and I am filled with fear that I might not be able to stop. I need to breathe properly. My head goes again, it’s so blurry and then I wake up. Slumped against the wall. That slipping out of consciousness makes it stop. Sometimes I like to faint. It makes it go away.      

 I walk in as if nothing has happened but it’s not easy.

I’m exhausted, scared about next time, scared I wont wake up one day.

Some films and things....

As a way of beginning the project i looked i sat around and watched lots of videos, which made me feel extremely productive!

Adam Curtis- Bitter Lake

Bitter lake was really interesting. it was firstly on an interesting subject but i also really liked his style to producing his film. he uses different imagery to what he is talking about or he uses obscure clips to completely change the mood of the film. i enjoyed the camera angles he uses as they weren't necessarily the way you would expect the camera to be. i like the home made nature some of the clips have, you can see the camera is shaking and see him zooming in, i like how it doesnt have the 'proffesional' set up feeling where you might have lots of tripods and boom mics but this feels like it him or him and a guy there experiencing it. i like the variety of the homemade footage and the clips from archive footage as it constantly changes keeping you interested.

Adam Curtis- The Living Dead the attic

Andrew Kotting- This Filthy Earth

i wasnt able to find the actual film but from the trailer i really enjoyed his use of camera angles

i think his close ups on the faces are really clever and makes it feel like you are uncomfortably close to the faces. it feel invasive to the people but also you feel uncomfortable being that invasive without having a choice.  

he uses obscure angles to look at objects which is really clever as it allows you to see things differently. the fact you are looking at the operational things at this angle is interesting because you wouldn't normally think of them that way and can make you reassess your relationship with the function of the objects.

this is clever how he animates nature and put them to look very fake and too look purposely badly made.

Tris Vonna Michel- Berlin

Tris Vonna Michel- Photography is my punishment

Loure Prouvost- Swallow

 
Loure Prouvost- Tateshot

edvard much

edvard munchs the scream is well know for being a depiction of anxiety. i like the order to the image where the lines all follow the same pattern yet it is also chaotic as the colours do not follow the same order.

Martin Boyce

Martin Boyce is a scottish instillation artist who looks at creating an atmosphere of anxiety in his work by making people feel uncomfortable and on edge, whether thats with a sense of unease at chaos or by looking at subject matter that people find uncomfortable.